If Only it Were That Easy

 So I am one of those people who love inspirational quotes.  I seek them out, I find ones that resonate and, if you follow me on social media, you will often find these words of wisdom in my stories.  They're about believing in yourself, pushing through the rough times, or go be weird and live your life.  And I love them... I get a rush of positivity when I read them.  Not gonna lie - sometimes I feel like a fraud because there are days when I don't believe any of it.  But other days, they touch me and I love those days.

Here is the one that I hate: Just choose to be happy everyday.

First of all, I truly don't believe that people are happy everyday. Grateful, yes - but always happy? Just don't think that is reasonable. So lets strike everyday from that quote.

Just choose to be happy.

So, that one strikes a nerve in me that makes me want pre-populate my swear jar (just kidding - don't have one of those) - but it does make my eye twitch.  Not that I don't believe that our outlook on things is really important, and you can choose to live your life with your glass half full or half empty.  And having that kind of outlook has got me through a lot.  But when you are in the aftermath of a pause, it really is not that easy to just choose to be happy.

For those of us who have the days where we need to wallow, is it not a given that if we could "choose" our way out of it we would?  If the fog, thoughts and fatigue allowed it, we would rise above and be happy? This is the problem with that phrase - for many it is not a choice.  So here is what I would replace it with: choose things that make you happy.

This means you can have a shit show of a day, but if you consciously choose to one thing that day that makes you happy, you've won. And that one thing does not need to turn your day completely around. For some of us, trying to that is too big.  Tackling the day and trying to "make it a great one" is very overwhelming for those who literally are just trying to make it to the next hour without having a breakdown. But if that choice allows for 5 minutes of brain rest, then it is worth it.

For me, when I've had days like that, I have things that I default to that make me happy (it helps to have a list you can turn to when making any decision feels like a mountain). I watch the cheer video from when my daughter won bronze at Worlds, I look back on baby pictures, I think of how proud my girls make me, I go to my craft room and make something, I remember specific moments with hubby, I have a specific pic with friends where we are all smiling that I love.  Those things may not bring me out of my funk, but I am assured to get one smile that day that isn't for anyone's benefit but mine.

So if you are ever telling people happiness is a choice, remember for some that choice does not come easy - not because they don't want to be happy, but because they are carrying weight that they have not had a chance to deal with yet. And that is ok. Maybe ask them what is one thing that brought them happiness and help them find that smile that is just for them. That is enough to start them down the path they need to rediscover what happiness really means for them.

J