Life After the Pause

 So there is this fun game I like to play called "What is that weird feeling?". In my before, I'd get a headache, pop a few Advil and move on with my day.  I'd get a pain in my back, put some heat on it and head out the door.  I'd get dizzy, I'd eat some sugar or drink some water and head to an event. Vision changes, I'd fix my glasses and move on. No big deal. In my after its not that simple.  Yesterday I woke up lightheaded and dizzy.  Felt like I was walking thorough a gel swimming pool - I'd move my head and it would take seconds for my brain to catch up. My vision was foggy and I found myself blinking a lot to clear it.  So here is where the game starts: Am I having a TIA; am I about to have a brain bleed; is a brain tumor back; is that pain in my finger associated with my dizziness; should I go to the ER; the list of the questions I think of about what could be wrong is endless.  Then cue the panic attack - like full on panic that something is re...

So here is the icky part about living in the "after" - you get lulled into thinking it is actually over. That you can pursue normal; that you can get back to doing things you love.  That you are now being rewarded for putting one foot in front of the other for so long, and you can shout "let's go!!"  Then you have a day, or a couple of days, that remind you that it isn't like before. This week has been one of those weeks.  Nothing major happened, no drama, no more stress than normal.  I just overdid everything in an attempt to push my way out of the funk I've been feeling. As you can probably tell from the title of the post, it didn't work. I feel literally non functional today. Every joint in my body hurts, I feel puffy, I have a headache and my brain literally feels 10 steps behind everything.  I talk or think, and have a hard time finding words (so apologies in advance if this post isn't as witty or as clearly written as other ones).  I litera...

 So I am one of those people who love inspirational quotes.  I seek them out, I find ones that resonate and, if you follow me on social media, you will often find these words of wisdom in my stories.  They're about believing in yourself, pushing through the rough times, or go be weird and live your life.  And I love them... I get a rush of positivity when I read them.  Not gonna lie - sometimes I feel like a fraud because there are days when I don't believe any of it.  But other days, they touch me and I love those days. Here is the one that I hate: Just choose to be happy everyday. First of all, I truly don't believe that people are happy everyday. Grateful, yes - but always happy? Just don't think that is reasonable. So lets strike everyday from that quote. Just choose to be happy. So, that one strikes a nerve in me that makes me want pre-populate my swear jar (just kidding - don't have one of those) - but it does make my eye twitch.  Not that I don'...