Let's play a game...

 So there is this fun game I like to play called "What is that weird feeling?".

In my before, I'd get a headache, pop a few Advil and move on with my day.  I'd get a pain in my back, put some heat on it and head out the door.  I'd get dizzy, I'd eat some sugar or drink some water and head to an event. Vision changes, I'd fix my glasses and move on. No big deal.

In my after its not that simple.  Yesterday I woke up lightheaded and dizzy.  Felt like I was walking thorough a gel swimming pool - I'd move my head and it would take seconds for my brain to catch up. My vision was foggy and I found myself blinking a lot to clear it.  So here is where the game starts: Am I having a TIA; am I about to have a brain bleed; is a brain tumor back; is that pain in my finger associated with my dizziness; should I go to the ER; the list of the questions I think of about what could be wrong is endless.  Then cue the panic attack - like full on panic that something is really wrong.  Tears, hyperventilation, true flight mode.

Oh did I mention that all of this happens in the confines of my room cause no way I'm going to burden anyone else with what I'm thinking or feeling - I'm just going to handle it.

This happens almost every time I have a different ache or pain - and I know its irrational.  That's the kicker - I actually know that I'm being pretty ridiculous but I cannot control the wave of thoughts and emotions. And if you know me, you know how much I enjoy feeling out of control.  Eventually logic wins and I just go to sleep (after the "what if I don't wake up thought *eye roll*).

I guess the silver lining is it happens way less frequently than it used to - but FFS I wish I could just turn it off LOL.

For the record, I figured out yesterday I was having a vestibular migraine - forgot about those! Haven't had on in awhile and with luck won't have one again any time soon.  Today I'm just dealing with the migraine hangover (if you know you know).

For anyone who has to play this game - know you are not alone.  Reach out even if you think you sound crazy...it really does help.

J